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'Wanted: Dead' review: a mesmerisingly terrible masterpiece
Rental: Also Dead, unfortunately
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By Nic Reuben
16th February 2023
“a AAA love letter to the sixth generation of consoles,” third-person hack n'/cover shooter Wanted: Dead proudly touts. But it. From its linear corridor and arena-clearing combat missions, to the acting and writing, the sport has the half-baked but full-arsed charm of their target era in spades. There is a huge a part of me that wishes to be an evangelist for This Sort of Thing, but it has left me reminiscing about how exactly the truly great thing about the actual 6th generation of consoles is it also had Blockbuster Video.
If said temple of temporary ownership was still breathing, in most its popcorn-pushing, Haribo-slinging, drab carpeted splendor, I'd be demanding with frankly unbearable enthusiasm that everybody as well as their hamster nabbed this incredibly fun trashfest for that weekend. But it's not. And Wanted: Dead is 50 quid. Which, I'm afraid, makes it an extremely more complicated proposition.
However, value is nebulous and subjective, so using the disclaimer that I absolutely do not recommend you purchase this game brand new, let's pretend money isn't an item for the rest of the review, and say that Wanted: Dead is a must-play for those who have a.) any love for the camp ground but immaculately choreographed ultraviolence of flicks like Tokyo Gore Police or Meatball Machine Kodoku b.) ever lustily imagined a very short Yakuza game made by Grasshopper Manufacture where the entire dev team had the flu and were hopped up on Lemsip hot toddies for that complete production cycle. c.) a penchant for beautiful trash that rivals that of an aesthete racoon.
Here's the set-up. Zombie Unit is an elite cop murder squad, rag to look at and tag in moxy, all of them various shades of 1 day from retirement, too old with this shit, a loose cannon, and a cop around the edge without a penny to lose. Your heroine, Hannah Stone, is really a hi-top wearing war criminal with a penchant for karaoke. Also, Stepfanie Joosten plays a gunsmith who we're informed, quite in early stages, smells perpetually of cat piss. When you uncover the reason behind her odour, you may feel ashamed of what you are saying and deeds.
There's a conspiracy of sorts, inside a sort-of cyberpunk Hong Kong, and the player, as Hannah, needs to hit a lot of people with swords and bullets to operate everything out. That's basically all that you should know. The plot is nonsense, fascinating in the sheer lack of momentum and mesmerising in its seemingly coin-flippant decisions between which moments to tug to the point of farce, and which to rush through enjoy it needs the toilet following a particularly strong Lemsip hot toddy. I loved much more of it than feels noble to confess.
It's tempting to call the voice acting and writing bad on impulse. I would not blame anybody who did. But if I like spending time with these characters – which I do – then surely these two things have done their job as well as anyone could reasonably ask for? It will be a monotonous world indeed when we all start demanding prestige classical realism from every game, no matter emotive or experiential intentions. HBO and Hollywood are modes to operate in when it suits the flavors of shooty and/or slashy, not standards by which everything else should be judged. Having said that, it's all regulated a bit shit, yeah. However i still enjoyed my hangout time – singing, eating ramen, arcade games, all playable – with Zombie Squad a good deal, Hannah especially.
There is, undeniably, jank in Wanted: Dead, notably in frame drops, stutters, crashes, and enemy AI. But the combat itself feels like a really deliberate mixture of demandingly exact and mindlessly mashy, so when you start chaining it along with parries, counters, grenades, flying kicks, and dodge steps, it slaps. It's kind of like playing Sekiro at half speed while submerged in a bath of beans. It took me hours to get even half competent at it and that i enjoyed the process immensely.
I generally dislike canned finishers on principle, but Wanted: Dead's are as goldilocks both in frequency and length as, say, Doom Eternal's. Either by chopping off a limb with heavy damage, or when using a meter-draining gunkata supermove, Hannah can stun enemies, which could then be chain-finishers in a number of creatively gory kills. It lends combat both punctuated pacing and classy flair, and while this is neither Ninja Gaiden or something like God Hand – it doesn't have the depth or potential for self-expression – it is a bloody great time if you've got the patience for it.
If I’m honest, Wanted: Dead is often suspiciously similar to Tommy Wiseau pretending The area would be a comedy afterwards. Despite how much I enjoyed myself, and despite how much I'd like to think the game's every foible is a few subversive, curated throwback, it doesn't always feel intentionally shaky and camp as it does, well, “Oh, hi Mark”. . A sheen thrown on the troubled developmental dead end to sell it as being something both less and most it was earnestly intended as.
Oh, and that i didn't mention the third person cover shooting since i mostly ignored it, except when I was desperately low on health. Several things would be best left forgotten.
Wanted: Dead is available on PlayStation, Xbox and PC. This review was played on PC.
Verdict
I want everyone to play Wanted: Dead, but I don't want anyone to spend anymore cash on it than they'd be comfy paying for, say, a guilty takeaway meal. In the best moments, it seems like an oasis in a desert, a balm for the self-serious excesses of Sony‘s first party offerings. At its worst, it's incredible how something so seemingly confident and free in the own strangeness could make such obvious and dull choices.
Pros
- Confident, gory combat with a peculiarly satisfying rhythm
- Absolutely does not care whether you discover its writing, acting, or storytelling the least bit interesting
- You can sing 99 luftballons at karaoke with Stefanie Joosten
Cons
- Obscenely overpriced for what it offers
- Third-person cover shooting feels literally sellotaped on. Also, the sellotape is wet
- I cannot fully unwrap its pass-the-parcel-esque layers of sincerity and irony, and I'm not sure I want to, because I reckon there's a black hole in the center
